A Widow’s Healing Journey to Africa
I had just left my daughter’s hospital room, where I’d been settled for a couple of days. I was sitting in the parking lot of Barnes & Noble, scrolling Instagram and trying to decompress a little. As I scrolled, I came across a post from Rob Alleva discussing a guided trip to South Africa that he was hosting along with Adam Thorn. I was immediately intrigued. The trip seemed like the respite I’d been looking for since the passing of my husband some months before.
The loss of my husband was traumatic and difficult. My girls and I hadn’t even had a chance to find our footing when my youngest was diagnosed with a significant auto-immune disorder. Her health was severely and immediately impacted. She suffered a series of complications in very short order. Coming so quickly after the loss of my husband and their dad, this illness hit my family like a concussive blast. We were thrown into further disarray. The weight of everything seemed to bend my back a little further every day. So, the idea of a trip to Africa, a place I’d always dreamed of visiting, seemed too good to be true.
Let me introduce Rob and Adam if you’re unfamiliar with them. They are the hosts of the History Channel show “Kings of Pain.” Which, if you haven’t seen it, is an absolute madhouse of a show. Beginning with the premise of the Schmidt Pain Index, these two guys, through the course of two seasons, get bitten and stung by a myriad of wild creatures. I was hooked from the very first episode. My youngest daughter, my husband, and I would wait each week for the new episode to come on. We would sit together and watch it, wincing and flinching with every sting, bite, and puncture wound. We picked up new Aussie phrases from Adam, we laughed at Rob’s pain tantrums, and we absolutely fell apart at Dr. Ben Abo’s face throughout each ordeal. We loved the show and its pandemonium.
Being a nature lover my entire life, I had dreamed of visiting Africa. I’d always imagined myself taking a trip with my family, seeing wild animals, experiencing the land and different cultures. But, like so many of us, I allowed the burdens of life to take precedence and put things that seemed frivolous on the back burner. Now, sitting and staring at the post about a trip hosted by these two guys, it felt predestined.
As I sat looking at it, my brother called me. I told him about the trip. He’d also watched the show and was familiar with the hosts. I told him I was seriously thinking about booking it and going. He immediately replied that I should, that I deserved it, and that I would have a great time. But I just got out of the car, went into the store, and put the thought away.
A few days later, I saw another post about the trip and made an impulse decision to message Rob. He replied quickly, was very gracious, and sent me email information about the itinerary, the costs (surprisingly affordable), and what I could expect while on the trip. I sat with it for about 24 hours. I decided this was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up and emailed Rob to send me an invoice. I was in. I texted my brother and told him I’d pulled the trigger; I was going on the trip. He immediately called me in a panic because he couldn’t believe I’d done it, and he was worried I was being scammed.
From that moment on, I never looked back. I had never taken a trip out of the country, much less a trip out of the country solo. I had no reservations, as odd as it sounds, I felt comfortable with Rob and Adam because I felt familiar with them. They were also readily accessible to answer questions, and they were happy to talk with people about the trip. I started a wish list of items I would need for the trip; I researched the best way to travel with my photography gear and started walking more frequently. I didn’t want to be the older woman on the trip holding everyone back!
One of the things that set me at ease was that they started a group chat with everyone I would be on the trip with a couple of months before we were scheduled to go. Most of us took to that chat like ducks to water. I am very introverted and tend to be highly uncomfortable in unknown situations. The group chat gave me the opportunity to get to know everyone, including Rob and Adam, and allowed us to become friends before we ever got to the red dirt of South Africa.
I will admit to some nerves when it came time to board the plane, but they were quickly overwhelmed by the sheer adventure. I was going to Africa! By myself! It felt surreal and energizing to be on the plane and head to another country with my freshly minted passport. In the Atlanta airport, I was fortunate enough to meet up with two members of the group: a somewhat awkward introvert like me and a kind-hearted extrovert who took us both under her wing. It truly helped to have time to get to know them both before we headed overseas. The flight was long and more than tiring, but I was energized when we landed and ready to take on this grand adventure.
After meeting everyone in the group the next day, we loaded up on the bus and headed to Umkhumbi Lodge, where we would spend most of our time. I was enthralled with everything. The landscape was green and lush, a change from my desert home. The first place we stopped for lunch on the way was a small, open-air Portuguese restaurant with an incredible view. As I looked around, I noticed that there were rooster-themed things everywhere. Statues, paintings, and artwork surrounded us. Many people had referred to my husband as Rooster, and it felt like an affirmation of my trip to see the symbol.
I was immediately in love when we arrived at Umkhumbi Lodge, which is situated deep in the trees. Trees and greenery canopied over the red dirt paths and the sounds of the forest were all around us. We followed one of the employees as she guided us along the walkway to our individual lodges. I couldn’t stop the emotions coursing through me, and I spent a few minutes in tears as soon as I was alone in my room. I couldn’t believe that I was there, that I had taken this trip on my own, and I was standing in Africa. We also spent several days in Kosi Bay Lodge. It was a favorite of many because of its resort-like feel and the access to Wi-Fi. But Umkhumbi…Umkhumbi has my heart.
Throughout our time there, we took several game drives, saw nearly all of Africa’s Big Five, waded in the Indian Ocean, and watched Loggerhead sea turtles hatch. I checked so many things off my nature bucket list that I’ve had to start a whole new one. As a nature lover, seeing all the animals was amazing and something I never thought I’d do.
More important than all the experiences I had and the animals I saw were the connections I made. Taking this group trip with people I’d never met was intimidating at first, but I came away with friendships I’ll always treasure. Touring Africa with Adam and Rob was the perfect choice for me. They weren’t like guides who just showed up in the morning, kept us on an itinerary, and left us to our devices. They were like two knowledgeable friends who just happened to be on the trip with us. Between the two of them, they have a wealth of diverse knowledge that not only improved our trip but kept us safe and laughing throughout every adventure. There are so many tales of adventure from this trip that it will likely become a blog series unto itself.
I came away from this adventure with a renewed sense of self. After the loss of my husband, I had been struggling to establish myself outside of that relationship. Traveling to Africa with a fantastic group of people, I rediscovered the person I had put away to be a wife, mom, vet tech, and caretaker. People use the phrase “life-changing” so frequently now that it’s become a bit of a cliché. So, I won’t use it here. To be frank, that phrase feels so tiny in comparison to what I experienced that it doesn’t fit anyway. Africa didn’t change my life. It changed me. Fundamentally. I won’t ever be the same, and I wouldn’t change a single thing about it.
Jennifer Farris Writer 